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5 Simple Steps How to Make a Lot of Money on Agile – Anton Zotin – Medium

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1

Find in your career the oldest case when one of your employees or colleagues proposed or just mentioned to you Agile and you said it’s bullshit. Alternatively, maybe someone did something like Scrum or Kanban in your company. Awesome! That’s your first Agile experience! Count the number of years since then and put “X years of Agile experience” on your profile! Now you’re an Agile expert!

2

Suit up! You are going to do serious business, you know, so you have to look serious. Leave unseriousness for these Agile gigs who are doing all this by heart and believe they help people (I agree with you, it’s so naive). Small trick: suit doesn’t have to fit you and be expensive (actually the opposite in some cases works even better).

3

Learn how to make never-ending, heavy and seriously looking powerpoint presentations. The more text and schemes you’ll be able to put on a single slide the better your chances to earn a lot of money! Learn from the best! I mean just take a look at big consulting companies.

4

Use as many magical words as possible and try to go beyond: user stories, backlogs, planning poker, epics, standups, demos, Scrum, magic estimations… I could go on ©. So you learn to do the same. Also, don’t forget about the super mega magical word “Spotify framework”!

5

Promise at least twice the work in half the time. Also, bring 400% project productivity increase to the table. And if you sense a lack of trust then feel free to mention Jeff Sutherland. Problems? There will be no problems during the transformation: there will be just cute ponies around, and they all will eat rainbows and poop butterflies!

And that’s all! You are absolutely ready, mah boy, to make a lot of money! Go and take it — it’s yours!

Do more with less and may the force be with you!
#agileism

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