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SIMPLY SAID, TODAY JUST PLAIN SUCKED… – Mary EK Denison

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It started a couple of days ago, but maybe even a couple, or more years ago. I just want to talk, so please be kind about my typos, I’ll try and correct them.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Here’s my issue about writing today, and most days… I am in real time, and what I write about is because real people, family and clients, give me the stories, but writing about them breaks confidence and exposes them. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I am hurting and don’t know how to help me. Funny how I can help, literally, thousands of people but when it comes to me, I’m lost. So, please read between the lines because I am bursting in pain. Being an Empath never helps….

I’m sorry. I can’t talk without exposing people who aren’t bad people. No one is abusing me, so don’t think that. I know I am loved. I know I want to save people, have great skills and blessings, and have tried with one person for the last four years, without success. Maybe I was taken, maybe not, but God wanted me there, but I can’t do it anymore. But, what I have spent has taken away from my family. No one is eating poorly, no one is on the street, and no one is without work. God is watching us. But, my heart feels broken… so broken.

One of my kids got into legal trouble. He’s really a good person. He has a generous heart. All of my children do, just differently. He made a mistake but only because he reached out to help someone in trouble but he had a couple of drinks, prior. So, I’m sure you know what happened. He is lashing out at me because I haven’t been positive about the outcome. Well, of course I pray he comes out on top. No one was injured, or killed. He was probably even in a place that he believed was ok. He wasn’t falling down drunk. He may have been tired. Or, hungry. But, it has messed things up some.

I love you, Son. Always. No matter what you think about my lack of optimism. No matter how you think living with me is somehow my fault, at your age, because none of my children, or grandchildren will be homeless, as long as I have a home. I provided a safe place, but that’s a good thing. I’m just hurting, too. For reasons you don’t even know about. How your dad always gets off free, even though he promised to help you both through college but hasn’t spent a cent, but can take expensive vacations (we are divorced). The person I have been trying to save, that hasn’t worked. The wondering about my own life. Why, when someone contacted me about a job offer — I wasn’t even looking in that direction, but it showed up — why you won’t respond to me, now, about the outcome. Why my own plans seem to move so slowly because I am helping all of you, and spending money that should be going to support me in me OLDER age, but isn’t there. Why my soap batches failed today… why my massage was again cancelled…

But, I did help one young man today. I was able to show him how he has improved his energy system by running an AcuGraph chart on him, so that he could compare it to the one he had done this past spring. His efforts showed that he improved his body. He is going in the right direction. I gave him ways to continue on that path. And I gave all of it to him free.

This week a woman was trying to create a key at a kiosk at Menards. She had an employee helping her. But, she had two expired credit cards. She needed to create a key, so I gave my credit card. It was two bucks. No big deal to me, but it saved her. I told her to pay it forward wherever she could. That’s what life is about. Helping where you can. Because when I can help someone, I will offer it. Sometimes it’s a few bucks, sometimes it has been tens of thousands…no joke.

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