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I’m Willing to Sacrifice My Student Loan Debt for the Economy Gods.


Let’s talk sacrifice to arbitrary systems!

That’s how it works right? Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

It’s come to my attention that politicians are looking to sacrifice old people to the Economy Gods.

I propose an alternative, one that will allow me, a young American, a tax-paying millennial, a coveted fertile uterus capable of reproduction, to spend more money, to buy more, to reproduce —

I sacrifice my student loans.

I know that it is a lot. I know that I would be giving up a tremendous amount. But I would be willing to take one for the team, for the future.

I will miss them. I will miss calling them. My student loans have always been there for me, for my entire adult life. They never let me down. In fact, they are so steady, so dependable, that the number hardly changes at all. They are so reliable, always calling and sending me letters.

This has been the most stable relationship I’ve ever known. While dudes on Tinder swipe left, my student loans follow me. They put in effort. They find me if I move. They know where I work. If I’m missing a relative, I’ll just miss a student loan payment, and they’ll find them for me.

I know one guy who found the dad who abandoned him, right after he stopped paying his loans.

My student loans always provide an unsympathetic ear for me. If I want to be told how I’ll never have a good job because of my credit score, who will I turn to? Who will give me such harsh reality checks? Who will cause me to have panic attacks when I’m trying to decide what to do with my life? Who will keep my head on straight? Who will remind me that this is the treatment I get for wanting an education? Who will tell me for the next twenty years that I should have just gone to trade school?

But I’m willing to surrender all that for my country. I’m willing to sacrifice the anxiety and confusion of starting life in the negative. I’m ready to know what it’s like to make decisions from a place of having nothing, instead of having less than nothing. It’s something I’m willing to try. I don’t know how I’ll do, but hey, it’s for the economy.

While we are talking about sacrifice, it feels strange that we are only talking about the elderly and sick.

We could sacrifice so much more! We could sacrifice student loan payments. We could sacrifice these empty condos and give them to the poor. We could sacrifice these greedy profits.

It will be very difficult for us to give up these things. Empty luxury condos having people in them would really change my life, much like how a butterfly flapping its wings in the vacuum of empty space doesn’t cause anything to happen at all.

But I’m willing to do it. I’m willing to sacrifice the opulence I don’t know, and extreme debt that I do know.

I’m willing to give up my student loans and stop endlessly paying, so that I can spend my money on other things.

I’m willing to do that for the economy, for the American way of life.

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